Feelings Matter

I learned a very interesting statistic this weekend from a counselor. He has worked with people and marriages for many many years and he has taken time to observe and learn from, and pray for people who are struggling in their relationships. The things he talked about spoke volumes to me.

Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness and Stonewalling (totally shutting someone out...disregard for the other person). Statistics say, the average years a marriage will stay together with these characteristics present are 5 years...we have then beaten the odds. It's not ANGER, it is what is driving the anger...the bottom line is, we react to save face by BLAMING the other person. BLAME is manifested and used in these four ways.

Questions I have asked myself... Why do I look at others to see how I should feel? How did I become so self-centered that I tell myself, "I'm going to be whatever I want to be, in order to avoid what I don't want to feel?" Why do I not take the personal responsibility and own the hurtful things I do to my loved ones?


The truth is...

Feelings matter...they do...but I am realizing my feelings are so often controlled by the wrong thing.

Psalms 139:23,
"Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting."